Inane Updates

I've been missing my cats, missing them, but not much else.
There is a lot of essay writing to do. Today is the first day (after a series of five) that I have not had a fever.
I am still sore but
am capable of thought.
The autumn breezes are so calming, they run over you
like a friend,
always reassuring for all their coolness.
I do not understand people who say they Don't Like Mozart. I didn't know that was possible.
This campus is already starting to feel like a home. Friends are discussing living arrangements for next year- isn't it too soon for that? I am concentrating
on existing
right now! Next year is so far away.
I am to become a legal adult on Saturday.
Most people kill themselves, either in reality or in spirit, before then.
My childhood is still thankfully intact. Just because I am capable of restraining myself from rolling around in the leaves
or running around with my arms spread
or playing with imagination
in public
does not mean that I don't want to.
I'm glad little Maya is still around. She's comforting. She's so much wiser than I am.
I'm tempted to smoke a bowl but there is so much writing to do.
I don't like how my mother is lonely without me around.
The way the seasons are starting to turn is so exciting. It's a reaffirmation that the world is still turning, that things progress. Summer was beginning to make me believe that she'd stay around forever. Fall is my favorite.

Mendelssohn

The Mendelssohn Octet always makes me cry. It is one of the happiest pieces of music, performed on one of the happiest days of my life. The last Saturday concert of this summer's sessions for me, my dear friends making a joyful noise in the most beloved barn to which I've ever borne witness. They stood up, and when they began playing I began weeping, weeping along to the most joyful sounds in such a joyful environment, surrounded by magnificent people in the most beautiful place.

Reading about bodies and beliefs, living life as more of an adult, running away from bad decisions instead of confronting them...
Fuck destruction and racism and depression. Fuck suicide and murder and pollution. There are too many beautiful things.
Rejoice in beautiful memories, in soft words, in deep affection, in favorite pasttimes, in the nuzzle your cat gives your face on a rainy day. Sing praises to Beethoven, to your dearest friends, to your teachers- be they in a school or on the streets or in your support group. Admire those who go out and do what they love best.

Things go very slowly sometimes.

Thursday nights are weekends here. I am not going out.
Hendrick's Chapel Choir was so fun and enriching. I am truly looking forward to singing and becoming great friend with these people!
I met a few awesome people at a LGBT meeting at the LGBT Resource Center.
It's starting to feel like home here. Things are going well.

Late at night, I really miss you.